Fuck You and Fuck Me
Fuck you reality, for being so unevenly keeled, for setting different rules for different players, for making fairness the first casualty, for having pushed Tibet to the precipice and letting it just teeter over the empty space, the safety of ground pulled off from underneath its feet, the dark abyss of death now inescapable by any measure of luck or trick.
Fuck you history, for not turning out the way it should have, for having filled it with more misses than hits, for all the wrong turns, the wrong decisions, the misguided steps, the ill-advised moves, so much so that we now find ourselves being forever fucked by anyone with the slightest whim, the smallest erection, with China not willing to take us even to be its booty call.
Fuck you Tibetan Buddhism, or the monastic system it essentially was, for having been mostly about the pomp and the regalia, for having deviated so much from what Buddha really taught, for all your grand theater in the past of power mongering, your preoccupation with massive monasteries, big statues, bigger stones and flashier gems, for without a heartbeat putting up for eye gorging, tongue slashing, mass exorcising any soul who said: look maybe it should be less about next life and more about this life, look maybe it should be more about us in flesh and blood than them behind smoke and mirrors.
Fuck you Middle Way Approach, for easily duping our clueless folks with what was supposedly a genius translation into political philosophy of an enduring spiritual tenet, which it was not, because Nagarjuna’s Madhyamika presupposes a level playing field, the context of all things being equal surrounding the tension between emptiness and relativity, which was for lesser beings also interpreted as the path of moderation between two extremes of overzealousness and absolute complacence, but which again presupposes an environment of all things being equal, in both which cases still a context that can not have been applied to our present struggle with China, considering in this scenario all things are farthest from being equal; so fuck you for having been wrong from the word Go; is it any wonder that it’s a total failure now?
Fuck you our Democracy for being anything but, for time and again by some most inexplicable phenomenon, irrespective of who is and who will be at the helm of our much-touted modern front this, the language that is spoken, the rationale that is applied, the case that is made, is all shrouded in voodoospeak, cymbals feathers and all, so much so that when there is a disagreement in the parliament about the nuance of our constitution, our speaker rises up to reprimand the assembly by saying “What face will we show to His Holiness tomorrow?” – the impetus of democracy reduced to an inability to show face? – and of course for censoring that voice which is most resounding namely independence just because it goes against His wishes, and of course for saying, “but that is not the case, multiplicity of opinion is always encouraged,” while in the same token choking into silence any whisper for independence. Fuck you for always inflating our excitable people with hopes about change, with this referendum and that Special Meeting, all of them rigged with the same trickery that otherwise Chinese higher echelons are known for, and then sending them home like deflated balloons.
Fuck you Chinese government for all the reasons you are well aware of, but most of all for all the money that you have, the clout on global stage you enjoy, the fear you strike into nations’ hearts, for being all that but without a tiniest bit of heart, your lust for blood still intact, for having to be the one, of all the countries big and small, for us to have to be up against, why couldn’t you have been a lesser and more screwed up nation like Iraq or something, fuck you for the hard helmets on your soldiers’ heads, the cold guns in their hands, the happy fingers on their triggers, fuck you for your black heart and red insignia, fuck you for day by day turning into a monster against whom our survival seems more bleak, day by day.
Fuck you, all the Tibetans in exile, my friends or not, educated or not, this or not, that or not, for all the buts you bring up in every conversation about Tibet, for your perennial penchant to dance on the periphery, to skirt around the margins, to never have the balls to settle onto the core, to dive into the centrality of it all, instead coming up with your half-baked intellectual reasoning, especially like this guy with whom I was discussing our most recent delegation and whose reasoning it was that perhaps we weren’t meeting with any success because our delegation was’t comprised of the right sort of people, not once getting the fucking big-as-a-globe truth out there that China simply doesn’t have any incentive to talk to us; fuck you all for your coming up with so many buts, for not seeing the simple truth that all of us, each and every one of us, are split right in halves, with the consequence that our one foot wants to go north and our other foot wants to go south, which is therefore an obvious reason why we are not able to move one inch in the first place; so fuck you for taking an eternity into your graves and beyond for taking one simple stand.
Fuck United Nations, Fuck United States, Fuck Great Britain, for having failed us when you could have done something, for having failed us again and again when the chances of your being able to do something for us became more and more impossible, but fuck you mostly for being the silver screen, nay I-Max screen, on which our people have always projected their hopes, their dreams; Fuck you in other words for fueling our addiction to delusion, for making us such bad addicts that we even don’t know we are one.
Fuck Facebook for being the portal for people to preen and flash their teeth and comb their hair, for being the place for people to say sweet nothings to each other, for being the platform on which to perform the performance of saccharine-drenched cute, for being the Pandora of Navi creatures, who in the bedrooms of their loneliness, are all empty pixels and green background, all special effects and nothing more.
Fuck Me. Yeah Fuck Me finally. For being the ultimate loser who thinks what he thinks is worth a dime, for entertaining the illusion that my words amount to anything at all, for assuming any right to voice an opinion in the first place, least of all to think he could afford to blaspheme any and all things which if his parents heard they’d simply die of shame. Fuck me for all my inconsistencies for all my blemishes for all my weaknesses for all my demons, but most importantly fuck me for having been deprived the honor to be stoned to death to be lynched in public for speaking something that ought not to have been spoken.